It's a MENTAL GAME.

So its been a couple weeks since I've posted on my blog and I've had several people ask why, or tell me they've missed my posts and it means so much. The reason why I made this blog was to not only help other people and motivate them, but to also help motivate myself and hold myself more accountable on my weigh loss journey. But to answer everyones question of why I haven't been posting lately, is because last week I hit an all time low. Not only was I so frustrated with how I had hit a weight loss plateau, and had stayed the exact same weight 3 weeks in a row, but I also hit a personal all time low with my self confidence and how I was viewing myself. I was working so hard, not cheating ONCE throughout the week, I was working out 3 times a week, and I was so happy and excited and felt so good. Once i got on the scale after one week of not losing anything, and then again the next week, and then AGAIN the next week, I slowly but surely started to lose motivation and self esteem, and confidence, and basically everything. It is probably the most frustrating thing on this planet, when you feel so good, and you're trying so hard, and you're working out, eating healthy, and you get to the point where you're almost EXCITED to get on the scale and see how much you've lost. That was me those weeks. It wasn't like I never worked out, and I was having a cookie everyday, NO. I was taking everything so serious and I was really working hard. But once it got to that point where I felt like I was working so hard and nothing was happening, I hit rock bottom and it was affecting not only my attitude, my drive, my self esteem, my confidence, my marriage, and everything else in my life. I was seriously depressed and one night it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I completely lost it and broke down. I've always been the type that compares myself to other girls, as you saw in my last post, and I think i can speak for all girls when I say I do that. But at that specific point it was just too much. I was feeling the worst I've ever felt about myself and I felt I couldn't do anything about it. I talked to my husband, and my parents, and we came up with some things to help but the biggest problem is me. I am my biggest critic, and I find myself thinking atleast one negative thing about myself a day. And its almost always about my weight. It's something that I'm obviously trying to work on and its going to take a LONG time to get over, being that I've had this mindset my whole life. It was just a breaking point for me and the worst its ever been. So through these couple weeks of me feeling this way, I thought "how can I blog about how I'm not losing weight and feeling depressed? My blog is supposed to be about losing weight and its supposed to help people and lift them up, and motivate them, and make them realize they're not alone. How could i possibly post about how I'm really feeling and what's going on in my life when pretty much none of it is positive?" And then I realized, THIS is the stuff people like reading most. THIS is the real deal, the real life stuff that happens to people on a daily basis, this is what my blog is all about. So even though what I'm going through is very personal, and very hard and not the most positive thing, I made a promise to myself that I was going to post everything I felt, the good and the bad. I realized that I'm not always going to have amazing weeks with the scale, but the most important thing is how I FEEL. I felt the biggest difference with my body when I was eating right and being consistent with my health. I felt just so good and so strong and I had SO much energy. But the second I saw the same number for weeks in a row, those positive feelings started going away real quick. So I've now made it a goal to get on the scale maybe once a MONTH instead of once a week. I need to start measuring myself instead of weighing myself. I know my body was changing and over all I just felt healthy and happy. Why let the stupid scale dictate my happiness. I'm only going to get on the scale now when I havent for a while and I want to see how my month has been, or pretty much just whenever I feel like it. Im on my own time and my own plan and I realized its how I FEEL thats important too. Yes, obviously I want to be losing weight as well, but if my attitude gets to me and I'm so negative about what the scale is saying, and when the scales number affects my self esteem, I know that also plays a roll in why I'm not losing weight. Staying happy and positive and motivated will definitely help that number go down, and feeling better and healthier is my first priority. I know once i make that my main goal, the weightloss will come too. It's a daily battle (with myself) to stay positive and to feel good and confident about myself, but like I said, I'm working on it. Once I get my head under control, my body will catch up with it. I've always said since I did the show that its a mental game. I personally feel its much harder to lost mental and emotional weight than physical weight, and I stand by that statement 110%. This is a LIFESTYLE change. Meaning Im changing my life. Im changing my past life, my present life, and my future life, so I'm learning it all takes time and lots and LOTS of work. But I'm willing to work for it and I know it will be worth it, once I let my mind know I'm in control of it, and its not in control of me. The mental part is the WORST part, and I'm learning not to let it get the best of me. Oh, and pardon me, but...

GIRLS: STOP IT!

Today, I just had to unleash.
Earlier I spent a good hour just sitting there bawling. Why, you ask? Because I'm a girl. Almost once every month or two, I just have a day where I wake up, and think to myself how fat, ugly, and gross I am. It really is so sad, and I should probably get help, but in the mean time, I'm going to blog about it. Unfortunately, I am a girl. And this heaven sent "day of depression" happens ALL THE TIME. I wish it didn't, but it does. And much too frequently at that. The reason why I decided to put this out there for everyone, is because I'm pretty much 99.9% sure I'm not the only girl who feels this way. And if you don't, you're a lucky bitch. I have always, since I was little, been a mirror avoider. What is this, you ask? It's pretty much anytime I see a mirror, I freakin dodge that like the kiosk sales people in the middle of the mall! When I see a mirror coming up, I make sure to look the opposite way when I pass it.
For anyone who saw my show, when I sat there infront of the mirror and just looked at myself, it was honestly one of THEE most painful, hard, and horrible things I've ever done. In my life! Seriously. You would wonder why it was so hard, like really, its not that big of a deal. Just look at yourself! I promise you, when the producers asked me "Makenzie, we want you to take off your shirt and just look at yourself in the mirror for a few minutes." You honestly would have thought they said "Makenzie, we want you to cut all of your limbs off with a rusty saw." It was just about the worst thing anyone could have asked me to do. I never have been the type of person to look at myself in the mirror. When I would get ready for school ever since I was little, I would get dressed, take .5 seconds to check the outfit, and book it out of there. Never would I just take a few minutes, look at my hair, makeup, outfit and say "damn, lookin good." So when I stood there in front of the mirror, just looking at myself, and taking it all in, exactly how big I really was, and looking at all the damage that had been done, I within seconds lost it and started bawling. I kept asking them "can I be done now? please? can I just stop doing this?" It was honestly like I was begging for my life. They of course didnt say anything and wanted to get all the raw emotion that is great for reality TV, and then after just said "its okay! because you will never have to do it again!" Unfortunately I have reached that point again, and I'm working on it. But I still struggle with the whole mirror deal.
I am a cosmetologist, and I am infront of mirrors constantly, and you will NEVER catch me looking in it. Thats just me, and how I'm programmed. I struggle with comparing myself to others on a daily basis. I am one of the most insecure people, and behind the smile, and the jokes, and the sense of humor, I am just an average insecure girl. I know I am not the only one who feels this way! Thats why I wanted to share how I feel. This isn't one of those blogs that only posts the good things, and you dont see everything behind closed doors. This is me being real, and writing in a public journal. I am working towards my goals everyday, and it really is so hard! Sometimes I just want to have an effing cookie or bowl of ice cream. And its so hard for me to say "makenzie! no! have some self control!" I just think "if my skinny friends are doing it why cant I?" but I'm not them. I'm me. Sometimes I'm grateful for that fact, and others I'm not. But like I said, I'm working on it.
I just want to be a healthy me! I'm not saying I want to have some Victorias Secret model body, although thats pretty ideal, Im just wanting to be a healthy me! I want to be able to look in the mirror and say "wow, I look good! I am confident and content with myself" for the first time in my life. Why as girls are we so hard on ourselves? Seriously. Why do we feel the need to beat ourselves up? It really is so sad. Why do size 0 girls look in the mirror and see a 500 pound person? Why is our society so jacked up? We will never know. All we can do is be the best version of US as individuals, and everything in our will power to feel confident with who we are. For some people, that might mean losing weight. Whether its 5 or 200 pounds. For some it might be putting on some makeup every once in a while. For some it might be going to get a pedicure or manicure. Maybe going and getting a makeover at a cosmetic counter, or hell, even letting yourself have that brownie at night to get you through that week. Whatever it is for YOU, do what you can to make it happen. Dont let yourself get to the point where youre depressed and ready to walk into oncoming traffic. We need to stop comparing ourselves to other people, who are most likely just as insecure, if not more, as us. Like I've said before, we have no idea what the "perfect girl" is going through. Be your own version of "perfect", because nobody can be you! Make the most of what you do have, and dont focus on what you dont have or what you want. Its not worth it! But being happy is. Dont let your hormonal vagina control you! You are your own worst enemy and biggest critic, and you can control your happiness. And next time, do yourself a favor, and just dont watch the VS Fashion Show. Instead, look up the models without makeup! And then have a snickers. Thank You, and Goodnight!

12 pounds down in 3 weeks: MY SECRET!

GUYS! I know its been a minute since I've blogged. I had a crazy week! BUT, I am so excited for this post! I've been wanting to talk about it since I started, but I'm finally doing it! So we all know I lost 7 pounds my first week. Then my second week I lost none. Then last week I lost 5 pounds! I have been doing the Herbalife program, and as we can see, when I dont take my tabs or shakes seriously (week 2) it majorly affects me! I have noticed such a difference in not only my weightloss, but how my body FEELS! I love how I feel when I do it! I have so much more energy, I stay fuller MUCH longer, and I have noticed a dramatic change in my portion control. I eat half of what I used to eat.

So many people have been asking me what I'm doing to lose weight and I'll tell you my exact "plan". I have two Herbalife shakes a day. (I'm trying to lose a big amount of weight so obviously if youre just maintaining, or if you just want a healthy meal replacement you could just do one instead of two.) I choose to have them for breakfast and dinner just because I dont want to eat my heaviest meal before bed. I have my Herbalife Meal powder, that I mix with my Herbalife Protein powder. They have vanilla and chocolate protein for the different meal powders they have to mix it with. I have noticed that mixing the Protein powder in my shake vs. just having the meal powder makes me stay so full, for so much longer! Right now I just have french vanilla meal powder and vanilla protein powder and my shakes NO JOKE taste like cake batter. And who doesnt like that? I mean really...The protein also makes the shake taste so much better. Even if youre just mixing it with water instead of milk, the protein helps your shake taste UNREAL. But I can honestly say I don't get sick of the same shake twice a day. However, the good thing about Herbalife shakes is they have SO many flavors to choose from. I'm just a noob and have only tried the vanilla. Then i take my "tabs". Herbalife has so many great products for people to CUSTOMIZE their weight loss. Thats why I love it so much. They have something for anything specific that you want to target and control. I take "Total Control". It is a natural dietary supplement that helps with the weight-loss process. It contain a blend of herbs and nutrients that help boost metabolism and build energy and alertness. It also helps with digestion, which is something I desperately need. I take three of those a day. Then I take "Cell Activator" twice a day, which helps the body absorb micronutrients and gives you more energy. Then I take "Cell-U-Loss" which helps you have healthy looking and feeling skin. It is also used to support healthy elimination of water. And the last Herbalife product that I use is the "Herbal Aloe Concentrate" and I am obsessed with it. It helps with indigestion, nutrient absorption, and it has antioxidants that help with intestinal health. I get the Mango flavor and I'm only drinking water and Crystal Lite, (which is so hard for me), but I LOVE THE ALOE. It helps so much with digestion and like I said before, thats one of my problem areas. This may be TMI, but...dont care. I usually take a crap once every couple days and this stuff makes me go like three times a day. And it tastes so good with the crystal lite. There isn't really a limit to how much you use but I mix it with my drinks all throughout the day. Anytime I drink I try to put Aloe in it, which isnt enough, but I'm working on it. For my healthy lunch, I have brown rice, and shrimp or chicken, spinach tortilla wraps, and lots of snacks throughout the day like string cheese, fruits and veggies, etc.

Along with this i try to workout between 3-5 days a week. The key is finding a class you love, or if not, find a workout buddy! The two together are very ideal too!

So now that I've shared my regimen, and since I've loved Herbalife so much, I became a distributor! Which means I can buy my own product, and I can buy it for other people as well! Once you try it and like it (which you will) you can sign up also and recieve a discounted price and distribute it to other people who are wanting a Healthy, REAL LIFE lifestyle. I am loving Herbalife and feel like it has changed me for the better, and its just the beginning! If you are interested obviously let me know and we will get it started for you too! Like I said before, they have so many products that are natural and healthy and they have something for everyone. They have for everything from weight management, targeted nutrition, energy and fitness, personal care and so much more. 

I HEART HERBA!

THE 3 B'S: GYM NO NO'S!

This video talks about "The 3 B's" of GYM NO NO'S!!!!

BOOBS, BUTTCHEEKS, AND B.O.

Enjoy.

Sincerely,

MakDaddy... (& the rest of the Universe)

Never Give Up

As we all know, last weeks weigh in was a "great success!" (Borat voice) when I lost 7 pounds!

Unfortunately this weeks weigh in was a lot less exciting.

I was really good about eating, like really good. I was in the position a few times where I went out to dinner or lunch with family, and I did so good! However, my workouts were not very good. Considering there weren't any. I know, I know. Pathetic. When I had gotten on the scale and saw that I had lost nothing, my first reaction was disappointment. How did I work so hard on eating healthy this whole week, and not lose ONE POUND? Then after reflecting about it that day, I decided I was not disappointed. Yes, I could've worked out more. Yes, I could've done a few things differently. But was I upset? No. Could my weigh in have been worse? Definitely. At least I didn't gain anything back! But right now, I am nowhere near the "maintaining" stage. So this next week, now that I've seen how important working out is along with eating healthy, I'm going to do better. This is a journey and a learning period for me. I'm learning about my body and how it works. I'm learning exactly what it takes for me to lose weight. Now that I'm not on the show, and I'm in REAL LIFE, I'm learning to accept my weight loss no matter how it comes to me. I didn't lose any weight this week. But I did LEARN this week. I'm learning how to do it the realistic way. And if theres one thing I've learned, it is to never give up. 

"Dont give up what you want most, for what you want now." 

As good as staying home in my warm sweats sounds, I need to go to the gym. As amazing as a chocolate dipped oreo brownie stuffed ball of cookie dough with fresh rainbow sprinkles and caramel on top sounds, I NEED to eat this salad. DONT GIVE UP, AND DONT GIVE IN. Be patient with yourself, no matter what your goals are. If you are trying to change something in your life, it is going to take time and adjusting, as well as learning. I am a huge believer in "everything happens for a reason." I always catch myself thinking or saying "why me? why did I have to be cursed with this body when there are people out there who don't think twice about what they eat or working out? Why do I have to workout everyday of my life, for hours a day, for years straight to have a six pack when some people can sneeze right and get one?" But then I remember, this is just my personal trial. Everyone in the world has trials and tribulations. I don't know that natural size 2 girl's life story, but I'm sure theres something bad in her life she is dealing with. And all I need to worry about is myself, and not giving up on myself. Because I'm worth it. I'm worth being happy, and feeling confident, and feeling beautiful. This was only week TWO! I still have many more weeks filled with ups and downs, and I am nowhere near a point where giving up is acceptable. I know I will get to my goal weight someday and be so proud of myself for not giving up. I cant wait for that day! It might take a while, but I know I'll get there.

True Life: I love coconut shrimp

YAY! My first video! Unfortunately, it's about something I'm not necessarily proud of, but HEY! It's real life, and sh*t happens. Plus, like I've said before, take it one day at a time, and there's always tomorrow!

Patience is a Virtue

If there is anything I've learned its that losing weight takes ALOT of work. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. This particular quote is so important. Unfortunately, I am a person who has struggled with my weight since I was young. Ever since I can remember it has always been a battle for me, and always will be. Being on the show, I was given a GIGANTIC weightloss goal. I was expected to lose 100 pounds in one summer. And as we all saw, that didnt happen. I was constantly thinking of my huge goal, that seemed so far away and almost impossible. How could i possibly change a whole LIFETIME of unhealthy habbits, in a matter of months. It had taken years and years for me to reach my highest weight, so trying to lose almost half of it in one summer was unrealistic and dumb. I had no room for mess ups, no time for myself, no time to sit and refelct on the 10, 20, 30, 50 pounds i had lost. it was always "i only lost 3 pounds this week insetad of 10?! Great, now i have to lose 17 pounds next week." It was always stressful getting on the scale every week, instead of exciting. It was never enough for me or for anyone else involved. 3 pounds a week is crazy good. And the fact that I couldnt enjoy it makes me sad. So this time around, thats my goal. I am learning to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. I only get on the scale one day a week, but I wake up in the morning and say to myself "I dont know about tomorrow, I dont know about this week, this month, or this year. All I know is TODAY. And today I am eating healthy, and going to the gym." That has been one of the most valuable lessons learned over this whole experience. Without being on a schedule and without any crazy goals, I am enjoying my weight loss. I am excited to work hard, and see the hard work pay off each week. If its one pound lost, two, five or ten, I am enjoying seeing the number drop. I'm taking it one day at a time, and I'm loving it.