Here's the thing. Like I said in my previous post, I'm a severely unmotivated person, unfortunately. Motivation goes pretty much hand in hand with commitment. Therefore, being that I am not a motivated person, I'm not a very committed one either. (This does NOT go for my marriage people!) As far as my weight goes, It's always such a roller coaster for me, and I'm sure it will be for the rest of my life. I always start out SO good! Like so ready, so hyped up and excited and everything! It usually lasts a couple weeks, or a couple months if I'm lucky. And it pretty much always ends the same way. I slowly but surely have one too many cheat meals, that turn into cheat days, that turn into cheat weeks, months, and then I realize I've been cheating for a couple months straight! This time, I am fully COMMITTING myself!!!! And putting it out into the open for everyone to see will help me so much! Usually only my close friends and family know that I'm trying to lose weight. But this time I want to tell everyone so that way I hold myself more accountable for my actions and I hopefully change myself as a person when it comes to being and STAYING motivated and committed! Especially to my weight! Even when I was on my show, I was committed to that 100 days, it turned into about 6 months actually, and I was committed because I had to be. It definitely got to a point where I wanted to quit, but I didn't because I pretty much couldn't. I think one reason why it was so easy for me to want to quit also was because at that point I had everything handed to me. I had a free trainer, free nutritionist and I honestly got to a point where I felt I wasn't doing it for ME, but I was doing it for the "audience" or the "network" or the "producers" or whatever. And I'm not saying just because it was handed to me that it wasn't a great experience or it wasn't useful, because it was still the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and probably always will be. But now that I'm doing this again, all I have is me. I definitely have an amazing support system and people willing to love and help me along the way, but it comes down to ME. I only have me to impress this time. And if I happen to impress other people along the way, thats great! But right now I'm focusing on myself. I know I will be so happy and so proud of myself when I look back on this and I can honestly say I did it on my own, and I did it for me. I'm the one who has to live with myself forever. I'm the one who looks in the mirror everyday and is unhappy. I'm the one who is hard on myself and I'M the one who wants this! But I have to prove it to myself. I truly am my own worst enemy and my biggest critic, and I have to prove to myself that I CAN get where I want to be and I CAN get there on my own! Because now, I don't have any other choice. If I don't do it now, when will I? There's truly no time like the present and I'm doing it NOW.
I'm committing myself. I am COMMITTING myself to one year. Just one year of not giving up. I have never had a goal this big, but I know I can do it. I am going to do a solid year of eating healthy, and exercising frequently. The thing that's making me get through my mental block, is knowing that I'm going to be realistic about it. I'm absolutely going to eat a treat every once in a while, and I'm sure sometimes it will be on a day I'm not having my cheat meal! I am probably not going to work out every single day! Maybe some weeks I will, but I'm sure there will be some weeks I won't. If i do mess up, I'm telling myself I'm going to be okay, and not to give up, but to just get back on track tomorrow! I'm making a LIFESTYLE CHANGE. I am trying to make this a way of life for me. So after the 1 year am I going to quit? Definitely not. But hopefully then I wont have the desire to. Hopefully by then it will just be habit for me. But regardless, right now I am committing myself to 365 days. I'm also committing to blogging the whole way through! One year may seem like a long time, but it really is no time at all! Thinking about how me and my husband have been married for almost 1 year already blows my mind! (June 9th! Holllaaaa! I'll be dedicating a post around then to us, so stay tuned!) But time seriously freakin flies, and I don't want to waste one more second being unhappy with myself! I am excited to see where I am a year from now, and I'm excited to prove myself wrong for once! If I waste one more year of just wishing instead of doing, I know I'll be WISHING I were back at this point now.
"Yesterday, You Said TOMORROW!"
