It's a MENTAL GAME.

So its been a couple weeks since I've posted on my blog and I've had several people ask why, or tell me they've missed my posts and it means so much. The reason why I made this blog was to not only help other people and motivate them, but to also help motivate myself and hold myself more accountable on my weigh loss journey. But to answer everyones question of why I haven't been posting lately, is because last week I hit an all time low. Not only was I so frustrated with how I had hit a weight loss plateau, and had stayed the exact same weight 3 weeks in a row, but I also hit a personal all time low with my self confidence and how I was viewing myself. I was working so hard, not cheating ONCE throughout the week, I was working out 3 times a week, and I was so happy and excited and felt so good. Once i got on the scale after one week of not losing anything, and then again the next week, and then AGAIN the next week, I slowly but surely started to lose motivation and self esteem, and confidence, and basically everything. It is probably the most frustrating thing on this planet, when you feel so good, and you're trying so hard, and you're working out, eating healthy, and you get to the point where you're almost EXCITED to get on the scale and see how much you've lost. That was me those weeks. It wasn't like I never worked out, and I was having a cookie everyday, NO. I was taking everything so serious and I was really working hard. But once it got to that point where I felt like I was working so hard and nothing was happening, I hit rock bottom and it was affecting not only my attitude, my drive, my self esteem, my confidence, my marriage, and everything else in my life. I was seriously depressed and one night it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I completely lost it and broke down. I've always been the type that compares myself to other girls, as you saw in my last post, and I think i can speak for all girls when I say I do that. But at that specific point it was just too much. I was feeling the worst I've ever felt about myself and I felt I couldn't do anything about it. I talked to my husband, and my parents, and we came up with some things to help but the biggest problem is me. I am my biggest critic, and I find myself thinking atleast one negative thing about myself a day. And its almost always about my weight. It's something that I'm obviously trying to work on and its going to take a LONG time to get over, being that I've had this mindset my whole life. It was just a breaking point for me and the worst its ever been. So through these couple weeks of me feeling this way, I thought "how can I blog about how I'm not losing weight and feeling depressed? My blog is supposed to be about losing weight and its supposed to help people and lift them up, and motivate them, and make them realize they're not alone. How could i possibly post about how I'm really feeling and what's going on in my life when pretty much none of it is positive?" And then I realized, THIS is the stuff people like reading most. THIS is the real deal, the real life stuff that happens to people on a daily basis, this is what my blog is all about. So even though what I'm going through is very personal, and very hard and not the most positive thing, I made a promise to myself that I was going to post everything I felt, the good and the bad. I realized that I'm not always going to have amazing weeks with the scale, but the most important thing is how I FEEL. I felt the biggest difference with my body when I was eating right and being consistent with my health. I felt just so good and so strong and I had SO much energy. But the second I saw the same number for weeks in a row, those positive feelings started going away real quick. So I've now made it a goal to get on the scale maybe once a MONTH instead of once a week. I need to start measuring myself instead of weighing myself. I know my body was changing and over all I just felt healthy and happy. Why let the stupid scale dictate my happiness. I'm only going to get on the scale now when I havent for a while and I want to see how my month has been, or pretty much just whenever I feel like it. Im on my own time and my own plan and I realized its how I FEEL thats important too. Yes, obviously I want to be losing weight as well, but if my attitude gets to me and I'm so negative about what the scale is saying, and when the scales number affects my self esteem, I know that also plays a roll in why I'm not losing weight. Staying happy and positive and motivated will definitely help that number go down, and feeling better and healthier is my first priority. I know once i make that my main goal, the weightloss will come too. It's a daily battle (with myself) to stay positive and to feel good and confident about myself, but like I said, I'm working on it. Once I get my head under control, my body will catch up with it. I've always said since I did the show that its a mental game. I personally feel its much harder to lost mental and emotional weight than physical weight, and I stand by that statement 110%. This is a LIFESTYLE change. Meaning Im changing my life. Im changing my past life, my present life, and my future life, so I'm learning it all takes time and lots and LOTS of work. But I'm willing to work for it and I know it will be worth it, once I let my mind know I'm in control of it, and its not in control of me. The mental part is the WORST part, and I'm learning not to let it get the best of me. Oh, and pardon me, but...